The View from Rizal (26 June 2011)

THE VIEW FROM RIZAL

Gov. Jun Ynares, M.D.

June 26, 2011

Great Dads

A lawyer-cousin introduced me to one of the country’s leading motivational speakers and trainers. Mr. Archie Inlong, according to my cousin, was doing research on “Fathers and Fatherhood” and had wanted to interview me.

I initially balked at the idea of giving my two-cents worth on such a complicated issue. I told my cousin that I am a young dad and may not be an authority on the subject matter. She assured me, however, that Archie was not focused on what I thought about how to be a good dad. Rather, he was interested on my being a son and a third-generation elected public servant. Well, that, I could handle.

I obliged Archie’s interview request because, among other things, he is a resident of Antipolo, Rizal. It is difficult for one to say “no” to a constituent. When I finally met him, I found out that the interview with the white-haired public speaking guru would be more of a treat than an ordeal. Archie had a fairly well laid out direction for what he needed to find out from me.

Archie asked me several questions but he obviously had a special interest on three key points.

First, was it planned by my father that I should follow in his footsteps vis-à-vis his political career (meaning, was I “forced” into my current job)?

Second, did my dad “condition” my mind so that I would be what I am today (which is someone who took on the same job he had)?

Third, did my dad teach me how to become what I am today (meaning, someone who is doing what he once was doing)?

Archie got the surprise of his life. To all the three important questions he asked, I answered “No! No! No!”

No, my dad never wanted me to get into politics. For the record, he initially had violent objections to my getting into politics. It almost became a major fight between him and me when I announced that I was not going into medical practice.

No, my father never spoke to me about becoming like him. He never discussed politics with me.

No, my father did not mentor me in order to prepare me for the job I have today.

I made the decision; everything was planned by me and was in accordance with my choices in life, I underscored.

Archie appeared stunned with my revelations. I asked him if he was disappointed with what he found out. I presumed he wanted to write a book or an article on the “Art of Raising Up a Political Successor.”

No, was Archie’s reply. That was not his intention. He said he was simply doing research on how third-generation public servants arrived at the decision to do what their grandfathers and dads did in their life. He said he was pleased to discover that my dad had actually not manipulated me to become what I am today.

Archie explained why. Jokingly, he said he wanted to challenge author Robert Kiyosaki’s concept of the “Rich Dad, Poor Dad.” “There must be a third category,” Archie told me. “What’s that,” I asked him. “In addition to a ‘poor dad’ and a ‘rich dad’, there must be a ‘great dad’,” Archie replied.

“It takes Kiyosaki’s ‘Rich Dad’ to make a good businessman out of his son,” Archie explained.

“But it requires a ‘Great Dad’ to raise a son who would choose a life of service to others,” he added.

I never heard much from Archie again after that interview. I presumed he was busy with his seminars and speaking engagements. But, last week, just before Father’s Day, I received a note from him thanking me for the interview.

I am taking the liberty to reproduce some sections of Archie’s note.

He wrote:

“That interview helped me dissect how ‘Great Dads’ raise their sons. Here are three important ways they do.

First, they pass on a mission, not a business. And if ever their sons inherit their business, that business would have a clear public service mission built into it.

Second, they encourage their sons to look for partners, not bosses. Or, if they ever get into employment, they soon get to make their bosses their partners. For sons of ‘Great Dads’, partnering with others for mission or business - or both - become the key to attaining life’s goals.

Third, ‘Great Dads’ inspire their sons to go after ‘fulfilment’ rather than plain ‘success’. ‘Great Dads’ know that obsession with ‘success’ could lead to frustration if not attained, or to a feeling of emptiness once it has been reached. The quest for ‘Fulfilment’, on the other hand, is sustainable and satisfies one at all phases of that quest.”

Archie said he had done interviews with other third-generation public servants and has turned his research into motivational seminars for dads who want to be not just “rich”, but also “great.”

I understand Church-based organizations have already booked him. He said he has integrated into his seminars a deep spiritual reflection on God as Father.

“After all, only a Dad as great as Him could produce the greatest Son of all,” Archie wrote in his note.

What could I say.

So, to all the dads out there, a belated Happy Father’s Day.

Be rich. Be great.

Note: Originally published in the Manila Bulletin June 26, 2011.